I think to myself at least once a day, “I wish I were 21 again.” The irony is that I vividly remember at 21 saying, “I can’t wait to graduate and have a job with financial freedom. Twenty-three kind of sounds like the perfect age.” I’d have my bachelor’s degree, a stylish 9-5 corporate life that TikTok has ingrained into my mind, and the financial freedom to buy whatever I wanted without worrying about my college budget. Now at 23—I have my bachelor’s degree, I’m living the 9-5 life, and I have financial freedom (well, kinda, if you discount the jaw-dropping nyc rent and student loans), but the reality isn’t as glamorous as I’d imagined. I find myself constantly craving something more to achieve and look forward to. This has led me to wonder, is there more that my twenties have to offer? I glamorized my post-grad 20s when I was 21 because I was working towards obtaining the basic standard of post-grad life, and now I ask myself, “Well now what?” I realized that I'm not actively pursuing anything for myself, a personal goal that goes beyond reaching predefined milestones set by society. This begs the question and prompts me to consider what my hobbies are—something I can work on and look forward to.
After a casual brunch with friends to catch up on each other’s latest, C and I walked from our friend’s FiDi apartment to Greenwich Village, a 2.1-mile walk with no destination in mind, filled with rambles and the recurring question, "What should we do now?" It always is the constant pursuit of what comes next, a refusal to remain static. Over our Blank Street lattes at Jefferson Market Garden, we became so fixated on potential goals and side hustles, only to find ourselves repeatedly circling back without a clear idea of how or where to begin.
Sometimes I consider applying to graduate school, not out of desire, but familiarity. School was always a structured progression toward clear goals like final exams, finding an internship, and graduation. I now realize what my older friends meant when they said they were envious of how flexible my college schedule was. I’ve been gifted this book, “The Defining Decade” by Meg Jay, twice now (maybe this is my sign to find some direction). Meg references one of her clients, Talia, who confides in her that she doesn’t know how to get an ‘A’ in her twenties. She felt like she was failing for the first time because in school there was a formula, and obtaining that ‘A’ was achievable so she was living up to her potential. I wanted to get this entire page tattooed on my back because I felt every word she said. I haven’t finished this chapter, but the question that Meg wonders aloud to herself in response to Talia has been lingering in my mind all day—“What would an ‘A’ in your twenties even mean?”
“I think I thought life should be grand, in whatever way you define grand. Grand was A’s when I was in school. Then I thought maybe it would be some amazing job or guy. I felt like my life should be Big! Love should be full of grand gestures. Work should make people say Wow! But it doesn’t. None of it does.”
Meg Jay, The Defining Decades
Maybe nailing an 'A' in your twenties boils down to discovering your passions and daring to take risks. It doesn’t have to be anything grand – it can be as simple as diving into your inner musings and jotting down a post like this in a quaint downtown coffee shop. Writing has always sparked an interest in me, toying with the idea of starting a microblog. I think this stems from the days when Facebook was all the rage as a fourth-grader. I remember eagerly sharing every trivial detail with my classmates—my after-school snack of the day, the latest Justin Bieber song stuck in my head, or the petty fight I got into with my sister (regretting many of these posts as I’m recalling them). Despite a solid twelve years of primary education in language arts and literature, I catch myself scouring the web for "writing tips from Sex and the City" and "how to write a blog." I can’t believe I’m trying to find a formula just to write this. But drowning with all of the “how-tos,” I start questioning whether my writing will lose its essence—authenticity. So, I figured just go for it. No stressing over perfect grammar (not until the final draft, at least), and don’t spend more than 30 seconds finding the fanciest words. Simply write as if I’m texting my girlfriends.
The best way to describe this feeling of starting a new hobby or stepping out of your comfort zone is being a baby and learning how to walk – figuring out where you want to go and mustering the bravery to take that first leap. It's a realization that approaching it with an open mind, allowing things to unfold naturally, and acting on instincts without preconceived notions is key. It leaves you in a vulnerable state, but vulnerability breeds confidence as it acknowledges one's willingness to immerse oneself in the moment and take action.
And with that, this blog marks my “first step” as a twentysomething baby, embodying the pursuit of what I believe it means to achieve an 'A' in this defining decade: embracing spontaneity and finding joy in the genuine.
cheers,
rachel
Genuinely such beautiful writing and so so relatable. I am always living for the future and once I am there I always look back and regret I didn't live in the moment. I can't wait to see what different hobbies and adventures you take on 🩷 Looking forward to your next post
It was very nice approaching. Your today is making your tomorrow. You can’t change your past but you can do something today and it will lead you better tomorrow